Each time I encounter a physician that lacks the honesty and observance of reality it takes to acknowledge the fact of evolution it takes every ounce of me to avoid becoming a cynic. Over the past years us in the science blogosphere have become accustomed to the likes of Michael Egnor as well as Harun Yahya’s cronie Oktar Babuna, both of whom are neurosurgeons (The specialty in which I exhibit most interest – the reality of which scares the living shit out of me). Blog post after blog post, news article after news article, banal speech after banal speech, these two travel the world and the internet spreading creation myths. They lie to perpetuate the ‘truths’ of some higher power, and do all of this while maintaining what must be the most cognitively dissonant lives in existance. Even one was too many, but as a result of me reading entirely too many news feeds I have, sadly, had no choice but to stumble across others.

Thankfully, this one isn’t a neurosurgeon.

In a letter to the editor published in The Bulletin, ‘Philadelphia’s Family Newspaper’, a Dr. William ‘My Parents Gave Me A Wickedly Pretentious Name’ Gottlob Berlinger III, an internist and geriatrician,  took it upon himself to write a little ditty entitled Perspective on Evolution and Health. Now, the title of the newspaper might be your first clue to avoid taking any of its contents seriously (I’m referring to the ‘Family’ part, not the ‘Philadelphia’ part, of course), but being the curious individual that I am, I went ahead and took a peak. And, folks, the insides aren’t pretty:

The consequences of the theory of evolution is not only the lack of honor it gives to our Creator, God, but, by attributing the natural processes that we see in the universe to random events, it opens the door for the deception that all natural processes, including the causation of disease, result from random events.  In the field of healthcare this is very dangerous.

My first response to an argument like this might be something along the lines of,

Okay, this child has obviously encountered evolutionary biologists explaining the genetic variation upon which evolution acts as ‘random’, and due to the experience he has had during development with the linguistic implications of such a word, has become led seriously astray by logic, which tells him that ‘random’ cannot be studied, while in fact evolution itself is not random at all, that it is actually quite uniform.

I would then realize I was talking to a grown man, a physician at that, and not a small child. I would backtrack, do a little *facepalm*, and then proceed to either (a) give up, because he obviously has come this far in his life without developing the cognitive abilities necessary to… I don’t know… have thoughts? or (b) make him look like a fool.

But, before I decide, let’s see what else he has to say (Grab some popcorn):

Our attitude toward disease, when undergirded by the theory of evolution, is that disease hits people with a random vengeance.  It presents disease as being caused by some impersonal random generator.  This engenders an attitude of hopelessness in those suffering from disease; or that some kind of disease is inevitable in one’s life.

Actually, Dr. 3rd, one doesn’t need evolution to see that disease hits people ‘randomly’. Now, I use this word ‘randomly’ with hesitation because I understand now that you don’t possess the cognitive faculties that most of us do, so I’ll try to dumb this down a bit.

There is this method called the ’scientific method’ that was developed primarily during the 16th and 17th centuries, it allows us to accumulate evidence to explain how events happen, and even how to anticipate events more preceisely. For instance, science allows us to study the spread and effects of malaria. From these studies we have determined that malaria is a vector-born disease that is spread via specifica protozoan parasites. As a result, we now know that you will not be afflicted with malaria if you live in Alaska, for instance. If you live in Costa Rica, however, you have a very decent chance of catching it, and while the affliction may seem random from a population perspective, it is quite demonstrably not, as we understand quite well the environment and events that must occur for one to catch malaria.

On the other hand, if people are taught the principles found in the Bible,  that there is a cause behind disease, then people can be put back in control of their destiny.  They can be put into control, because they can strive to identify the cause, from God’s standpoint.

Forgive me if I’m a bit rusty on my Bible knowledge, but where exactly does it give me the information on causes of disease? Furthermore, if you’re going to play the metaphorical game and say ‘original sin’, perhaps you could englighten me as to how this allows me to control my destiny? And further, futhermore, how exactly would you explain the thousands of missionaries each year that contract diseases such as malaria? Of course, they have original sin like the rest of us dirty humans, you might say, but if disease isn’t in fact ‘random’, then it must be directed (the only other option). Why would God direct malaria to afflict missionaries?

Of course, this is all beside the point. The point being, instead, that you are, Dr. 3rd, completely nuts and should have your medical license revoked immediately.

When the cause is identified and eliminated, the effect, which is disease, will go. The cause of disease may be unseen, but with God’s help, that cause may be identified.

Please enlighten me. As a future physician I would love to know how to so easily eradicate disease. Keeping this shit a secret isn’t very Christian of you (Oh yes, I just went there)!

Also, if you could provide my oh-so-weak mind a few independently verifiable references of times God has identified the cause of a disease?

I hope it’s clear. I chose (b).